Here’s to the nights when self-care doesn’t go as planned. Because healing and wellness journeys aren’t just about the highs and win but also about the fails and plateaus.
As I went into this evening, I was trying to be mindful that with my therapy appointment being canceled I needed to spend an hour doing something wellness/healing oriented. I wanted to push myself to do something I normally don’t, so I decided to take my favorite hot shower, do my hair and makeup, and try on the clothes I have been waiting to be delivered for weeks. This felt like the perfect evening for taking some cute photos to use for content in the next couple of weeks. After creating a photo corner in my bedroom, I turned on my shower and grabbed my contacts, after putting the first one in, I realized that my contacts were still soaking in the hydrogen peroxide-based cleanser and hadn’t been rinsed off. After my entire eyeball turned red and I had to pry out the contact I jumped in the shower. Next up was hair and then makeup. Moving a little too quick I put my curling iron on went to grab something. Returning to my bed I sat down, directly on the curling iron and now have the blister to prove it. Trying my hardest to stick to the plan, with my very pink and still watering eye - I slid on my jeans, and put on the first shirt. I won’t bore you with the details but I’ll just leave it like this - it is so frustrating when clothing doesn’t fit the way you want it too and shirt after shirt has no room for your boobs. After trying a couple of things on, I sat defeated, crying, feeling ugly and unlovable. I packed up the clothes, put my room back to normal, changed into my comfy clothes, and will try to minimize the amount of negative, belittling, and self-harming talk for the rest of the night. Because that’s what self-care looks, sounds, and feels like in this moment.
But tomorrow - when I wake up and have both feet on the ground. I will remind myself that it’s a new day. I will welcome in love, light, and warmth. I will put my best foot forward and try again because healing and wellness journeys aren’t just about the highs and wins but also about the fails and plateaus.