Something occurred to me today. I let results invalidate or void my journey, feelings, or experiences. Let me say more words...
As a 28-year-old. I was blessed with 26 years of life with all four of my grandparents on this beautiful green earth. With all my grandparents well into their 80s, before they passed, you can imagine that there was a scare or two with their health in my years. I think we can all relate to a phone call whether it's for yourself, a loved one, a partner, or someone dear to you that immediately takes the breath out of our lungs and leaves a heavy rock in our stomach. Phrases like "we need more testing", "abnormal test results", or "the cancer is back" can induce fear, anxiety, grief, and so much more in a matter of seconds.
I can recall multiple moments when my body, mind, and soul was telling me this was the end was near for someone whom I loved dearly. In these moments which sometimes lasted days or weeks, there are a lot of feelings mixed with the severity of what may become. Roller coasters of feelings - like being crippled by fear and anxiety, plunges of grief and loss, and highs of empowering and powerful moments - seizing the moment - to be exactly who you want to be and express the love and respect you have for those you love dearly because time is short and you want to be intentional about doing that each and every day. The roller coaster has endless twists, turns, and a mixture of these all at once.
Often times after one of these scares, I would receive a lot of messages like "see, you had nothing to worry about", "you got worked up for nothing", and "I told you to just wait before you got all riled up". It's responses just like this that have taught and trained me to minimize or not be present with my current realities simply because there could be a change-up ahead. It's imperative that we acknowledge these journeys and truths along the way. Because although the results have sometimes offered shifts to relief, joy, and comfort, that doesn't invalidate or somehow void the anger, grief, pain, sadness, and everything else that came up previously.
In an effort to help process something, my brain naturally thinks in parallels. Connections and parallels (which let's be honest, is a type of connection) are something my brain does really comfortability but it also pushes me to analyze the situation or circumstance through different lenses. When I think back on all these moments, I am incredibly thankful for those who were courageous enough to simply sit with me in these moments, no matter how long, instead of trying to pull me through. I think that's the difference. In order to truly be present with people where they are in these complex journeys, we must be open to simply sitting with them and supporting them right now this moment, right here, in the now. We also have to resist the urge to minimize after the fact (if there is an after the fact) because in order to be connected with what makes us human, we must be present with all that is going on inside us.
More to come soon...
This photo was taken 7 years ago - my beautiful family - three of these beautiful souls now watch over me from above. My nana celebrated her 89th birthday this month.