For as long as I can remember, my brain has always done this thing. When I didn’t feel good or felt injured once I would tell my parents or schedule an appointment, my brain would be like “nope we’re all good over here”. I have gone in to find out I tore a ligament in my knee or wrist feeling no pain or uncomfortableness that day when the whole reason for scheduling the appointment was because that pain or uncomfortableness wouldn’t go away for days or weeks before. So, it was no surprise to me that all this week, knowing that my first therapy appointment was coming, that my brain was telling me how okay, happy, and even well we were doing. “See, you’re not crying at all, you feel pretty okay, you have been dressing better for work, you set a plan for working out to start next week”.
As I sit here exhausted from my first session today, I am reminded of some very important reminders. I am on a journey of learning to love the woman that I am today while taking steps to build a life and reality that I want for myself. This journey is hard, it’s filled with harsh realities, facing toxic behaviors I exhibit toward myself as well as others, admitting where I need to put more effort and focus, but also loving the woman who has bad days, wants better and more for herself, forgiveness, self-advocacy, radical love, and seeking support when and where I need.
Here is to scheduling and following through with your first therapy appointment. I see you. Here is to getting out of bed today. I see you. Here is to saying “no”, setting boundaries, setting a budget, meal prepping, doing your laundry, loving the skin you are currently in, setting a cleaning schedule, calendaring family time, limiting the number of work hours, planning a vacation, - I see you. Here is to loving yourself so much where you are right now, that you want better for the incredible human being looking right back at you. Here is to mustering the courage to dream about the person you want to be. Here is to building and investing into you as much as you do to others, your business, or your relationships.
Show up for yourself because you are so incredibly worth it. You are beautifully and wonderfully made.